


Instructions Ignored, Mission Complete

by Dissipating_Mango



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Hand Jobs, Interspecies Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Voyeurism, yeah perry is a platypus here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:00:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22810624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dissipating_Mango/pseuds/Dissipating_Mango
Summary: Perry has no idea what he's in for when his daily routine hits a bit of a snag
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 7
Kudos: 104





	Instructions Ignored, Mission Complete

**Author's Note:**

> So, funny story, I actually wrote this a few months ago when I was really fixated on PnF and didn't have the guts to post it. But here we are! You know the drill, read the tags and bail if you need to. Enjoy! :)

"and put a stop to it! Good luck agent P."

The screen went blank.

Perry dismounted his chair, entirely too exhausted to be here. All-nighters and broken coffee machines were certainly not ideal working conditions. He had zoned out for most of his mission instructions, only picking up on a couple words like _alone_ and _suspicious_ and _strange_ _internet history_. But, he reminded himself, rarely did the mission instructions actually matter. By the time he was trapped, Heinz would begin his monologue and soon after, all the information he needed to complete his mission would be granted.

A secure pattern. Stable.

It didn't take long for his hovercraft to reach the ever-iconic building. Hell, Perry had it on autopilot half the time; really the hardest part was finding parking. He grumbled at the idea of having to take money out of his hard earned paycheck to pay the tow-truck _again_. A flick to turn the switch off and he and sighed with delight to find an empty spot to park in. Reasonably shaded nonetheless! Looked like today was going to be perfectly average. 

Maybe even good. Though he wasn't exactly one to think on the optimistic side of things.

As he parked, Perry briefly considered crashing in through the ceiling again, but he had just received a rather stern reminder as of recent his nemesis greatly perferred when he used the key he was given.

And sometimes it was nice just walking through a door. It was novel in its own right. 

He shuffled up to the front of the apartment, taking note the absence of typical scheming and plotting noises. This in of itself was not _too_ out of the ordinary, his nemesis could be quiet on _occasion_ , but he was starting to kick himself for not thoroughly listening to his superior. This lack of noise was a touch eerie.

Making his way through the living room, he noticed it was devoid of any tell-tale signs of mischief. Odd. In full agent mode, he burst through the wall to the lab, only to find it was also empty. No blueprints? No traps? Sauntering past crumbling drywall, he was beginning to think maybe this was all a wash when a noise reverberated from down the hall. It sounded like, a mechanical hum? Could be inator business...

Perry raced over towards the bedroom. Third times a charm. With no plan, he slammed open the door, eyes narrow, ready to fight. When he saw what was happening on his nemesis' bed, brown eyes widened and he pushed the door shut again, back to the lamented oak.

Heinz was restrained. With some kind of a machine. In his bedroom.

Thoughts little more than a blur, the Perry started paying attention to the noises coming from the room. Married to obscene moans, the machine hummed and creaked as metal parts slid over metal parts.

"Oh, oh! Ahhh-hhh..."

Perry couldn't help but keep his ears glued to the door, enamored with the sounds. This was definitely an invasion of privacy. In fact, it'd probably be best if he went home and forgot this ever happened.

But he didn't.

Instead, he stayed by the door, absorbing every whimper and groan coming from the lips of his nemesis. It had only been a couple seconds but the visual he caught was striking. Heinz, held above his bed by his arms and legs, spread open by shiny metal tendrils curled around his limbs. Mechanical hands teasing and fluttering over his body. Of course his ideal form of getting off would involve some kind of convoluted machinery. Perry wouldn't say it was anything he expected to see, but that didn't necessarily make it an unpleasant surprise. Frozen against the wall, he clasped his paws together for fear of what they would do were they not occupied. Idle hands... 

"Ha-ah! That's right, right there!" 

Goodness gracious, Perry was an _agent_ for crying out loud! There had to be _something_ in OWCA's procedural manual that forbid this kind of agent-nemisis relationship. What was he doing listening in like this? Wasn't he supposed to be the good guy? Good guys certainly did not spy on their nemesis masturb

Perry didn't even want to finish that sentence. 

He tugged at the edges of his fedora, utterly frozen and wishing he had the strength to make a decision one way or the other. This limbo was complete agony. 

"Yes! More! That's- _ah!_ Oh thwart me Perry the platypus!"

Perry nearly jumped out of his skin, slamming the door open on autopilot at the sound of his name. Heinz locked in on his form, eyes wide, pupils rapidly shrinking.

He whispered and the ropey metal made its exit, retracting into the machine's base. Heinz fell onto the mattress with a _plonk_ and turned around, grabbing the purple bathrobe on the floor and wrapped himself up. Shaking, he walked towards Perry with a blank expression.

"I don't...have any evil plans today. You can go."

His face was red and sweaty, expression a false sense of tranquility and a poor mask of unbearable terror. Hands tightly clenched at his sides before loosely gesturing towards the door.

He wanted him to leave? Well, that just wasn't going to do. 

A teal paw pointed towards the machine at the foot of his bed. When not extended it was extremely compact, about the size of a duffel bag. Travel size?

"Oh... I think it's for the best we both, forget this ever happened," Heinz said, staring at the floor, bare foot squeaking against the hard wood. "I don't know what you're thinking right now Perry the platypus, but"

Rapid thoughts of turning the machine back on and watching the scene unfold were swirling about Perry's head. It would practically be straight out of a fantasy. It _was_ straight out of a fantasy, more specifically a less than appropriate one he savored on the night's he didn't sleep with one of his wonderful boys. Oh there was something to be said about being the dashing hero, saving Heinz from a malfunctioning inator that just so happened to have an erotic overtone, metal parts having his way with him just as Agent P could swoop in for the rescue. Entirely unprofessional. But that's exactly what made it so tantalizing. 

He looked back towards the man and watched his chest cave in. Crumbling.

"Um b-but I"

Perry ran towards the machine. It was all he could think to do. That was the role he played, that's what was comfortable. Enter, trap, escape, destroy the inator. 

"Wait! Don't touch anything!" Heinz shouted. "It's not callibrated for _you!_ " 

He ran towards Perry, tackling him to the ground, pinning his paws above his head. Heavy breaths, he knelt in front of Perry, whose little platypus body was laying belly up on the carpet, one hand keeping his arms pinned down, the other securing his robe.

"I normally wouldn't _mind_ the whole, you know, destroying my inator thing, but usually when that happens you accidentally _activate_ it, and it's heat seeking so it just goes for the nearest body and well, I don't think I have to tell you you're a lot _smaller_ than I am, Perry the Platypus. Eh, do I need to spell it out more or do you get what I'm...? Okay okay, you do." 

Perry rolled his eyes. 

"Don't give me that look! Sorry for trying to save you some _dignity_ , sheesh." A hard swallow as he clenched and unclenched his hands around Perry's tiny wrists. "Uh, I guess being pinned to the ground, isn't exactly dignified is it?" 

Despite every agent instinct telling him otherwise, Perry cocked his head and deliberately opened his legs, not willing to be stuck in another dreadful limbo. He had already crossed so many lines today, what was one more?

Heinz froze at his bold declaration. Perfect. Using this moment of uncertainty, Perry flipped him upside down and switched positions. He was now the one pinning the man's arms above his head, straddling his chest. This was comfortable. This was _secure_. With wide eyes, Heinz opened his mouth as if to say something, and closed it. Well, that was one way to get him to shut up. The memories of intoxicating noises hit the agent like a wave, drowning in the ocean of sudden arousal. He had to hear it again.

Dragging a paw down his chest, Perry peeled back the robe, leaving his upper body exposed. Heinz lay still, wetting his lips in a panicked anticipation. With dark pupils eating at the edges of his iris, he shivered at the light scratches of pristine, sharpened claws. Manicures were _not_ cheap but at least _someone_ would be appreciating his nails having been done up for once. An unecessary expense but so what? He liked to stay nicely groomed. It added to his stoic appeal.

Perry swished his tail through the air and slid his paw lower.

"Perry the pl-Ah!"

Perry had barely even touched him and he was already ridiculously hard. Smirking on the outside, (but squealing internally) he pressed the heel of his paw on the head of his cock, spreading slowly oozing precum over his length.

"Perry..." The word was sweet and heavy and breathy. 

A long wet tongue left his bill as he bent down and licked Heinz just below his neck. He bucked his hips upward in response, another string of precum sliding down Perry's hand. His nemisis had no business being as helplessly desperate as he was and with a poorly contained growl, Perry nipped at the pale skin of his neck. 

Heinz whimpered at the bite and thrust up again, lids fluttering and face drawn up.

"P-please..."

Of course he had a masochist streak. 

Releasing his length, claws scraped lightly down his chest, taking extra care to avoid the scars and burns, before sinking deeper into the soft flesh of his belly. A cross between a growl and a moan, he writhed in the pseudo-pleasure of the pain. Lips quivered like he was hopelessly attempting coherent speech but a flick of Perry's wrist had him babbling nonsensical sounds at every turn. He had to be close now. 

Returning a paw to it's rightful place, Perry rubbed at ridiculously slippery flesh; warm and velvety against his palm. Picking up the pace, it didn't take long before his partner was inhaling sharply, fingers and toes curling with a loud garbled cry when he came. Perry pulled away, discretely wiping his paw on purple sleeves. 

Heinz panted, laying still on the ground, fingers twitching. Not that he had too many assumptions to begin with, but Perry had no idea a post-orgasm Heinz could look quite so... 

Adorable.

He couldn't help but chirr at the gentle scene, accidently grabbing the attention of his partner. 

Heinz sat up, tilting his view just enough to notice Perry's arousal peeking right above his cloaca.

"You're uh... It's um. Your turn, isn't it? That's, that's okay with you right?" He placed the nodding, compliant agent on his lap, running long fingers through blue fur.

"Do you... like this Perry the platypus?" he muttered, unsure of himself. Perry nodded and pushed the man's hand lower. Heinz gulped.

With trembling fingers he brushed against the base of Perry's erect phallus, in all its spiky and double headed glory; twitching at his gentle, yielding touch. Perry chirred and thrust hard against his hand.

"I take it, you want me to go a little faster than that?"

An enthusiastic nod on Perry's end made him smile, hands newly steady. 

He pinched the base of his length between two fingers and stroked. Perry whined, his tail flapping against the ground happily. Sure, he may have had a sauve and confident persona he could tap into, but Heinz definitely had him beat experience wise. There wasn't exactly a big market for platypuses attracted to humans in Danville, and even if there was, Perry 'the hopeless romantic' Platypus was more than a bit choosy. 

Keeping hold with his thumb and middle finger, Heinz pressed his index finger between the two heads, gently rubbing back and forth. Perry's eyes went wide as the left tip started to leak.

"Heh, you know Perry the platypus, you have quite the interesting, erm, _anatomy_. I may have researched platypus biology a teeny bit..." he muttered with a blush. 

Of course he did. 

"Hey! Don't look at me like that! It's not what you think, I was just... Well anyway, its _totally_ different in _person_."

He cupped Perry's groin, smiling at the monotreme's eager bucking. 

"I suppose you got lucky I happen to be good with my hands. You remember my cup stacking record, yes? I just found out some teenage girl _broke_ it last week. That's what I get for slacking on the job huh?" Perry made a sound somewhere between a moan and a sigh. He wasn't sure what he really expected from the man who scripted his evil monologues days in advance. It'd be a lie to say he didn't find it endearing though. 

"You're- you're really adorable, you know. So cute, such a little angel even when you are doing something so, well, dirty..." he murmured. "Such a handsome agent. I can't believe I get to do this with you. _Me_. Me! Of all the people or, or I guess platypuses, platypeople? All the lovers you could have. And you settled for me..."

Perry shivered. Heinz was the only person he ever dreamed of touching him like this. Of all the people to lose his virginity to, this was the winning ticket. Tiny paws clawed and gripped tightly onto the artificial skin of his arm. Heinz reveled in his movements like a starving man watching a slice of cake get cut before his very eyes. With a quick motion, he kissed the top of his head, eliciting a high pitched squeak from Perry while he writhed desperately, cock throbbing and sliding in his hand.

"Are you close?" 

An irrated growl made him flinch and wet his lips simultaneously. 

"Ok, sorry! You don't have to be such a grouch about it you know..." Something in his gaze displayed a less than innocent display of fear. Perry shot him a knowing glance. _You like when I'm intimadating, don't you?_

"Hey!" He squeaked with a blush. "Let's not change the subject here." Fuck, he really _was_ good with his hands. The cheeky bastard.

"That's right Perry the platypus. Let go..."

And that was it. Perry chattered and aimlessly rolled his body, coating his hand. He panted, relaxing into the moment, permanently tight muscles turned to jelly for the first time in ages.

Heinz picked up his limp body and wiped him clean with his loose bath robe. His hat had fallen off at some point, leaving both naked, as they made their way to his bed.

He placed the platypus gently onto the soft mattress, smiling as he curled his tail around his body and yawned. In a lazy fog, Perry wondered what he was going to write in his reports. Would it be worth telling Monogram there wasn't any scheme today? Maybe he should make something up. He looked over his shoulder at the desk in the corner. Would Monogram believe a story about an 'office supplies-inator'? Probably.

Heinz returned, in one of his black shirts and a pair of boxers. He hopped on one leg, the other squirming about in the pants he was pathetically attempting to pull up.

"What are you staring for? _Some_ of us have to get _dressed_ you know, not everyone can just walk around in their birthday suit, exposed for the world to see. At least _you_ have fur. Or little feathers. Is it fur or feathers? Well, whatever it is, they're very _soft_ , you must buy the fancy conditioner. The only ones _I_ have right now are stolen from hotels you know I had to meet my evil quota last week but apparently it didn't even count because hotels _WANT_ you to take their shampoos! And the bottles are so _small_ how is anyone supposed to wash their hair when there's less than teaspoon in the whole bottle? That reminds me-" 

Perry smiled as Heinz rambled, happy glint in his eyes while he continued to struggle with the ever loathsome pants. 

He could get used to this.


End file.
